Uggh, depressed again!

It has been a long time since I've written. In the past month I have gone through a mass of emotions--mostly negative. I am sick all of the friggin time, I am tired, I have so few friends, I miss home, work constantly asks for more and more from me, etc. It was really weighing me down. Luckily, I am starting to feel better.

The week before vacation it was all I could do just to show up to work. I was a passive teacher 50 percent of the time, just trying to manage a cold, an ear infection, getting the bare minimum done. I really couldn't have done better if I had wanted to. My best was a fraction of what I can normally do.

When it came to vacation, I was alone for a long time. I saw Sara on Saturday, then went a week before I talked to another person. I did talk to the cat, but I am not sure that is healthy. I slept til noon took naps during the day, watched movies and TV shows at night. I cooked my own meals and spent time with Bella (in heat again).

I watched a lot of stuff: Sex and the City Season 1, Avatar (all three seasons), Harry Potter 5 and 6, Blade Runner, Goodfellas (I know people think this is a great film, but I HATED it and had nightmares afterwards).

I did spend one pleasant evening at the park. I sat on a blanket and did nothing. The weather was great and I enjoyed myself. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I have been in Korea for 5 months now, and I barely know any of the Korean people near me. Actually, I know ZERO Koreans outside of work. This got me to wondering--what have I accomplished? What have I learned? Is my exhaustion just culture shock? How would I feel if I had Korean friends? Or even non-work friends?

Amazingly enough, not too long after recognizing one of the issues that was bothering me, it began to go away. Yesterday, I sat outside my apartment in the courtyard writing in my notebook and these two Korean guys walked up to me and wanted to talk. One was drunk and was hitting on me, but I liked the other one, Matthew, who speaks English and isn't a cocky pretty-boy like his friend. In the end, there were four of us: Jenny and her visiting friend Bea, Matthew, and I talked until 1 AM. I would be interested in hanging out with him again. He's 31 (looks 25), went to Yeongsei University (one of the top ones, I've found out from work that it is elite). Don't know much else, but it's nice to talk to people who can speak English, since my Korean sucks.

And today I met a 17 year old girl who wants to be a "hair designer." Her English is really bad, though. I cannot understand her, but, with the help of a phone translator, I figured out that she wants to be friends. She basically wants free English lessons from me. I thought, OK, no harm there. I'll be her friend and we can maybe do some kind of language exchange, but I am a little overwhelmed by the obligation. She already has sent me two texts, called three times, because she wanted to meet again tonight. The polite thing to do would probably have been to meet her again tonight, but I tried to explain that I get up early and need to go to sleep. I was imagining when I agreed to meet up again, that I'd see her maybe once a week, not twice in one day.

I went to a pork kalbi restaurant with Katie for dinner. The food was good, great sides, and we got to sit outside. The grill is right there on the table in front of us. It was nice that the staff put our kimchee right on the grill for us (that's the way Katie, Kristina, and I like it). The manager came out partway through our meal and expressed his surprise (in Korean) that we knew how to use chopsticks. Yep. Yessir, we know how to use them! :) Maybe he hasn't had many foreigners eat at his place, or maybe the ones who have eaten there suck at using chopsticks.

Being in Korea is usually a pretty straightforward affair. You have an apartment, a job, a routine. But every once and a while there is something odd that reminds you that you're in a foreign country. The silliest of which was when I was looking for cat food. There are pet shops everywhere, but mostly Koreans own little dogs, if they own a pet at all. Finding cat food isn't easy unless I go to a three story high supermarket (which, when you're in a hurry, is not fun). I went into one shop near work and tried asking the owner for cat food, but I don't speak Korean, and she doesn't speak English. I had to point at a bag of dog food, pretend to draw an invisible X over its face, and "Meow" like a cat to get my point across. Meowing to a total stranger was, well, silly. I left the place laughing at myself.

I really want to learn the Korean language. I wish there were good language books for people like me. I don't just want to be able to ask directions, I want to learn the "whole language" like a child would. Apple. Cat. Tree. Jump. Run. I'm considering buying a children's book in Korean to try to teach myself. I can read Hangeul, I can pronounce any word, but just because I can read it, doesn't mean I know what the word means. My twenty or so Korean phrases just aren't helping me enough anymore.

To humor myself and for the enjoyment of the few people I know who can speak Korean, I've included the phrases I know.

Anyeonghaseyo. (Hello-polite)
Anyeong. (Hello/Goodbye-informal)
Anyeongheegaysayo. (Bye, I'm leaving-polite)
Anyeongheegahsayo. (Bye, I'm staying-polite)
Ssurregibogdu (Garbage bag ----More useful than you might imagine,as you have to ask for them from behind the counter)
Ju-sseo (Please give to/do for me)
Kamsamnida (Thank you)
Ka Ju-sseo (Please take me to)
Kabong (Bag)
Bequijim (department store)
Shi-chong (City hall)
Yuk (Subway station)
Jik-jin (go straight/ keep going)
Yogeo (Here--come here, etc)
Bap (Rice)
Mul (Water)
Balli-balli (go fast, do fast)
Hagwon (private acadamy)
Hakyeo (school)
Soju (vodka-like drink)
Mekju (beer)
----I also know the names for many different foods, but I won't list them all.